A friend texted me this morning to tell me how proud he was of me and that he could see my confidence growing. Wow! To me, I'm just making changes and doing my best to move towards what I want. I guess that does take some bravery. Sounds easy, but it's been years in the making. But my response to him was, "You know what? I just got tired of not living my life..."
I quit my job after working with the company for 4 years, 1 year with this particular branch. I was tired of busting my behind and not having anything to show for it, literally! No recognition, no money, no respect... Before this moment, I submitted tons of job applications and went on multiple interviews. I had several interviews with one company over a span of 3 months for 2 different positions! I was sure that they would select me for one of the positions because they kept talking about how much they liked me and my answers. But I didn't get either one. I was upset that neither one panned out, but I think the reason is because I keep trying to go after the jobs that "look good" and that are "real jobs" to other people... not the ones that I've always dreamed about... not the ones I can see myself doing. So it was actually a blessing that I received all of those noes. A new job came up... not packaged like the ones I was going after, but I believe it will make room for the ones I really want. God has a different plan... one that looks different. One that I will love for sure, that has a bunch of yeses attached.
What I want doesn't look like the perfect plan for other people... and sadly, I can be a people pleaser. And so I've strayed soo far away from what I actually want that I lost myself and my confidence. Once I put in my two weeks I got booked to dance in a music video... my first PAID video! And the choreographer is someone I consider to be one of my mentors, who danced with Janet. He cares about who he is working with and who he is teaching. And doing my first music video with him just built up my confidence even more.
I just want to have fun and enjoy life. I dont think I've allowed myself to do that in the 5 years that I've been in LA. I know it won't always be easy, but I know now not to count myself out... not to give up. I know God has a lot planned for me. He's already shown me what can happen if I believe. So I'll keep believing, keep working, and keeping reaching out to friends and family so I'll stay uplifted and encouraged. 💙